


thoughts before the end

by emotimmyturner



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Botverse, Existential Crisis, botverse is wild, sollux dies, this is basically his final thoughts before dying oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29728356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotimmyturner/pseuds/emotimmyturner
Summary: Sollux thinks while he faces in a battle to the death between him and Dave, before he dies. This is after he realizes he is a bot and that his entire reality is fake.
Relationships: Pale June and Karkat, Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 4





	thoughts before the end

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry I think I made this worse oof

* * *

I remember what dying feels like. Vividly.

I’ve died so many times that at this point it seems like a normality. Something familiar. 

In a sick, twisted way, it almost feels comforting. Knowing I’m going to die.

The minute Strider pulled out his sword I knew this would be my end. My final masterpiece to the world. My last big, “FUCK YOU” to the universe.

Not that it mattered in the slightest, obviously. That’s the whole reason I was doing this in the first place.

Because nothing matters.

All the buildings and surrounding area are on fire. Almost everything is destroyed. Dave walks up and starts yelling.

I thought about him, in my last few moments. Everything that’s happened too us in all these years we’ve known each other. Him being Karkat.

The only thing I regret is making him care about me. That’s the most selfish thing I did of all.

I’ve always had a sort of knowledge that none of this was real. That it was all some dumb narrative made to entertain the masses of an audience I can’t see. 

I just never realized how much it affected me. How much my entire life revolved on this pathetic narrative that benefited from the suffering of all its characters.

Especially me. Especially recently.

I don’t think I was ever meant to become a character big in the spotlight. I think I did that for myself, weirdly enough.

And the audience seemed to like that. They liked me being the center of attention. They liked my grandiose story of suffering and betterment of one’s self.

But not anymore. I don’t want to be the hero. Nor do I wish to be the main character. I don’t want to be here at all, if I’m being quite honest.

I’m much better at the role of being the villain, if anything. So if I’m going to die here by my own stupidity and failures then let me do it in the only way I know how.

By destroying everything I care about. And then I’ll finally be free from the controlling puppeteers who run this shitshow.

Strider pulls out his sword. I think of me and Karkat spending the rest of our lives together. June being there as his moirail, of course.

He starts to swing. I dodge. I think of a field of sunflowers, where we’re all having a picnic together. We’re happy.

He tries to strike me, but I just blast him. He dodged, barely. He’s snarling at me, but I can see the hesitation behind those stupid shades of his.

I think of us buying a new hive, together. With all our new stuffed animals we bought today. I see us cooking food in the kitchen. (Well, Karkat and June doing it, as I am banned. Was.)

He strikes again. I’m going to blast him, but this time he won’t be able to dodge. He’ll die. But I don’t want him too. I start blasting him less and he gets closer with each swing of his sword.

I think of growing old together. I think of how we first met. I think of pancakes, and the mayor’s office, and Mario kart, and-

I don’t want too die. I want to see him again. I want to do all these things, I changed my mind, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want-

I miss, and he gets me right in the bloodpusher. I fall over. There’s blood everywhere. I see white. I hear Karkat scream. He’s just arrived to see me die. How morbid.

Well. At least I got the ending I wanted.


End file.
